wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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