Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Be still, my beating vagina.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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