i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
