I wanna passion pit in your ass
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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