After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
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We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
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She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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