I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
