we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have feelings that need drinking.
Let's get the cat blown out
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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