My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
