then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
