then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
