you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Randomize
