ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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