i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
