cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
