my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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