I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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