we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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