there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
