I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
