And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
