1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
