white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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