I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
