I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize