He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
