That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
