God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i don't like sucking hair
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
