I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
