Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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