I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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