we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
