shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
