i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
