Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
