My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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