I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
