So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
