Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
