he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Vodka?
Forever.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
