I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
