She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
