i was born a porn star she said
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
