I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
