I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
