I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
