at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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