Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
