I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
