I accidentally burped into my bong.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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