her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
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shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
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My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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