i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
vagina is talking i cant
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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