I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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