Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
