I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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