Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
