a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think I just sharted jello shots
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