Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
