I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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