I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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