I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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