Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
