So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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