he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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