I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
No more Irish car bombs ever.
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She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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