btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
