He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Randomize
