That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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