yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
