first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
