God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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