For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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