i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize