I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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