If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
