I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
