you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
