I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
