so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
