You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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