Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
well I can't set my house on fire every night
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
