You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
