Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
