I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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