Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
