Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
