Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
