What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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