you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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