it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
