Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
