he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
