so explain again why im purple
no
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
