I think i peed on brittanys purse
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
