found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
