Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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