He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
